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26/08/2020 By David Rigby

The Mindful Flâneur

The Mindful Flâneur

how to get the most of travelling

Valencia

In Old Town

    London

    St Pancras Station

      Vienna

      Where Beethoven lived

        This year, because of COVID, many of you will be forced to take your holidays closer to home. Here is an opportunity to know your home country. Instead of sitting on a beach, queueing for museums and socially distancing in the same shop in a different location why not be a traveller and really get to know somewhere. And excellent way to absorb a city is to be a Mindful Flâneur.

        The term flâneur comes from the French masculine noun flâneur—which has the basic meanings of “stroller”, “lounger”, “saunterer”, “loafer”—which itself comes from the French verb flâner, which means “to stroll”. To me a Flâneur is a person who wanders without a destiny within, especially, a city to observe the buildings, people and the general environment.

        Mindfulness or being mindful is being ‘in the moment’, totally focussed, observing everything and not being judgemental.  So a mindful flâneur really can get the most of ‘just wandering about’ provided they are organised ‘just enough’.

        An  invitation to

        change a habit /way of being in order to appreciate the world

        Alicante

        Old Town

          Manchester

          University In the winter

            Vienna

            Covid Rabbit

              While ‘flâneuring’ is ‘just wandering about’ planning can make the experience more joyful and profitable use of time. Try these:
              • Research to know which areas might have hidden secrets and watering holes. These are often older areas. Don’t make restaurant reservations – you don’t want a time critical destiny.
              • Travelling with minimum baggage – preferably none.
              • As you are venturing into the unknown, potentially you could arrive in risky areas. So leave your wallet behind. Take some money, one credit card, and maybe evidence of who you are in case you need emergency medical assistance, and tell someone where you are going.
              • Dress appropriately. Don’t attract muggers and robbers. No Jewellery no expensive watches. Dress downmarket – but you may meet interesting people so don’t look like a vagrant either. Take with you a sun hat and an umbrella. And layers of clothes you can put on or take off

              Be a flâneur not a tourist.

              The assumption is you are walking. Difficult to be a flaneur in a car. No need to tick off the places you have researched. You are mindfully observing the mundane.
              Be mindful. “In the moment” means taking in and being part of the events in the street, where you can:
              • Note the Street names. They may be historical, may be in two languages, such as English/Welsh or Catalan/Castellano, and they may point you in the direction of historic churches. The street furniture and paving are also clues to the history.
              • Guess when properties were built. Look at balconies, outside decoration.

              Many older properties descended into potential ruin in the 1960s and now have been gentrified so only the rich can live there.
              You can also take local refreshment in local cafes. Avoid the familiar such as Costa, Starbucks, McDonalds. They are often a triumph of marketing over quality. See what the locals are offering.
              • Look at the nationalities of the food and compare with the nationalities of those who are serving and preparing. And see if there are locals in there.
              • Look at the decoration – may not have been refurbished in years. For me I prefer tea in ancient tea rooms and coffee in modern establishments. Do they use loose tea and don’t use coffee pods?
              • Take your time and talk to people – you never know where your next friend or offer of work is coming from. Look at their behaviours, language, voice tone and match it.

              Behavioural Preference Profile

              Ultimately how you do this will depend on your characteristics based on your behavioural preference profile.

              Cyprus

              Nicosia Border

                Avila

                What crate shall I chose?

                  Liverpool

                  In Penny Lane, there is a barber showing photographs….

                    Most people have behavioural characteristics based on all the colours, usually one prevails.
                    Your behaviour based on your main colour is likely to be
                    • Red: Cover a great distance and not look at anything in detail. Be more interested in the buildings than the people.
                    • Blue: Possibly develop a detailed itinerary and follow it exactly – not being a flâneur at all.
                    • Green: Cover a small distance looking at the people and their lifestyles and wondering how they feel.
                    • Yellow: The distance covered will depend on how many people you meet and chat with on route!

                    Remember that you are not on a marathon or an endurance test, so stop when you have enough and keep an eye about where you are relatively to the bus and metro stops to help you return. Enjoy!

                    Written by David Rigby

                    © 2020 Smart Coaching & Training Ltd 


                    Ultimately how you do this will depend on your characteristics based on your behavioural preference profile. Most people have behavioural characteristics based on all the colours, usually one prevails.
                    Your behaviour based on your main colour is likely to be
                    • Red: Cover a great distance and not look at anything in detail. Be more interested in the buildings than the people.
                    • Blue: Possibly develop a detailed itinerary and follow it exactly – not being a flâneur at all.
                    • Green: Cover a small distance looking at the people and their lifestyles and wondering how they feel.
                    • Yellow: The distance covered will depends on how many people you meet and chat with on route!
                    Remember that you are not on a marathon or an endurance test, so stop when you have enough and keep an eye about where you are relatively to the bus and metro stops to help you return. Enjoy!

                    An  invitation to

                    change a habit /way of being in order to appreciate the world

                    Alicante

                    Old Town

                      Vienna

                      Danube

                        Vienna

                        Covid Rabbit

                          While ‘flâneuring’ is ‘just wandering about’ planning can make the experience more joyful and profitable use of time. Try these:
                          • Research to know which areas might have hidden secrets and watering holes. These are often older areas. Don’t make restaurant reservations – you don’t want a time critical destiny.
                          • Travelling with minimum baggage – preferably none.
                          • As you are venturing into the unknown, potentially you could arrive in risky areas. So leave your wallet behind. Take some money, one credit card, and maybe evidence of who you are in case you need emergency medical assistance, and tell someone where you are going.
                          • Dress appropriately. Don’t attract muggers and robbers. No Jewellery no expensive watches. Dress downmarket – but you may meet interesting people so don’t look like a vagrant either. Take with you a sun hat and an umbrella. And layers of clothes you can put on or take off.

                          Filed Under: Being Confident, C-me Colour Profiling, Communication, leadership, Motivation, Personal Development, Uncategorized, Wellbeing Tagged With: Cyprus, Flaneur, Liverpool, London, Manchester, mindful, Tourist, Travel, Valencia, Vienna

                          23/04/2020 By David Rigby & Martin Kubler

                          I’ve never been to me

                          I’ve never been to me

                          Becoming confident enough to be yourself

                          • taken in Kuala Lumpur by David Rigby

                          ‘I’ve never been to me’ is a song by Charlene which went to No 1 in the UK charts in 1982. For many it is the worst Motown Number One ever, but is pertinent to the situation (COVID-19) we find ourselves in now.

                          The cheesy lyrics include the lines ‘I’ve been to Nice and the Isle of Greece… but I’ve never been to me’.  It is about having to always be someone else and never being allowed to even find out who you are, let alone actually be that person.

                          Forward to late 2019, and many in the music industry, as in many other industries, are forced to subsume themselves into industry norms and accordingly standardise their personalities.  Paradoxically the most successful have not done this. Good recent British examples have been Amy Winehouse and Adele who refused to follow the norms. An outstanding American example, even subject to a BBC Radio4 Profile, is the singer Lizzo – larger than life in every category, a phenomenal singer and performer who has no need of pitch correction in her performances.

                          Come 2020 and COVID-19, the requirement of the performers to be who they are and deliver has never been on show quite so much as the ‘One world’ show where performers such as Lady Gaga, Sam Smith and Andrea Bocelli, and many others sang together, each performing from their own home. No lavish productions or autocorrect to prop them up. And, of course, it is significant who is not performing and the conclusions we can all come to about their skills.

                          How does this affect us?

                          Many of us are now in lock down and the only places you can go are shops to buy food or pharmacies to pick up meds – the rest of the time, you are at home, either by yourself or with some version of immediate family.

                          It is the perfect time to discover who you really are – a great opportunity for self-examination, and if you don’t like the ’me’ you actually are, you can set about changing it.

                          Many are using this period as a great opportunity to organise themselves, deal with all the filing and position themselves for the future. And then see others, via Zoom, who are in a bad way, and cannot cope with the uncertainty.

                          Sphere of influence

                          The ‘sphere of influence’ model is useful here. Issues divide into three :

                          • Inner circle: those issues you can deal with by yourself;
                          • Outer circle: those issues you can deal with by collaborating with others;
                          • Outside both circles: those issues which you absolutely have no influence over.

                          Many of the issues thrust upon us by COVID-19 are things we have no influence over, so the first step is STOP worrying about things you can do nothing about.

                          Divide the things you CAN do something about into three categories:

                          • Things which are essential to your well-being which you can do on your own. (If you don’t look after yourself then you won’t be able to look after others);
                          • Things which are essential to your well-being, which you need to ask or influence others to attain;
                          • Things which are essential to others’ well-being which you can deliver to them (whether or not they have asked).

                          These can include:

                          • Ensuring you eat enough healthy food to stay fit but not fat, with, if you want, exercise;
                          • Keeping your distance when out and wearing a face mask to assuage the concerns of others;
                          • Really learn to appreciate yourself and potentially change the characteristics you don’t like;
                          • Keep in remote contact with others and support them when they need in the best way you can;
                          • Decide what you will do when this is all over and prepare yourself for it.

                          And finally: examine the way you communicate with other people:

                          • Do you understand them well enough to understand how they prefer contact?
                          • Do they understand you well enough to understand how you prefer contact?.

                          Always assuming you understand yourself well enough to know your own preferences.

                          This downtime is the lifetime opportunity to discover who you really are and what you really need. The chance to ‘be to me’.

                          For further discussion and remote coaching, contact us here, or, for Europe info@smartcoachingtraining.com +44 3335660067 and for Middle East hello@spsaffinity.com +97156 652 5970. Take a C-me colour profile to better understand your communication preferences..

                          Written by David Rigby and Martin Kubler

                          © 2020 Smart Coaching & Training Ltd 

                          Filed Under: Being Confident, coaching, Decisions, Emotional Intelligence, Motivation, People Development, Personal Development, Uncategorized, Wellbeing

                          12/04/2020 By David Rigby

                          Deportment 2020: Know how to ‘talk the talk’ and ‘Zoom the Zoom’

                          Deportment 2020: Know how to ‘talk the talk’ and ‘Zoom the Zoom’

                          In these days of COVID-19 you not only have to ‘talk the talk’ and ‘walk the walk’ but you have to appear good on Zoom. Not only do you have to sound good you have to look good too, And not just you – you are most likely to be working and broadcasting from home – so the view of your home must also give the right impression. I notice every one judging what you look like when you have not been able to go to the beauty salon, nail stylist, or hairdresser for weeks and having to do your own cleaning due to lockdown. Tolerance of shady presentation skills won’t be accepted for long either – so brush up those skills too!.

                          While you are practicing your body posture and setting up the appropriate lighting and soundscape for your broadcast, whether a serious business meeting or a chat with a distant neighbour take a look at the article below I wrote for Al Arabiya News about deportment training for some stars in the 1960’s. And note how much still applies today. Below is one of many of these articles as published in 2015.

                          walking the walk

                          Deportment: Know how to ‘talk the talk’ and ‘walk the walk’

                          It’s now the winter holiday season, and just like in the UK and USA, here in the UAE you see the girls dressed in impossible heels and wearing designers while staggering to various social venues. One difference here is that, in general, they are not freezing to death on the way to their chosen location.

                          It’s now the winter holiday season, and just like in the UK and USA, here in the UAE you see the girls dressed in impossible heels and wearing designers while staggering to various social venues. One difference here is that, in general, they are not freezing to death on the way to their chosen location.

                          They may have the designer frocks, but few of them know how to walk elegantly or indeed talk elegantly. There is an old British expression “You can take a girl out of Essex, but you can never take Essex out of the girl.”

                          This is because they don’t know about Deportment.

                          Way back in the early 1960s there was a developing record business called Motown. Based out of a house called “Hitsville USA” in Detroit. In those early days one of several vocal groups was called The Supremes. They were often known as the ‘no-hits’ Supremes as at the time every record had flopped.

                          But like everyone else in the Motown roster, they went to American etiquette instructor and talent agent Miss Maxine Powell to learn about deportment.

                          And this is what The Supremes learnt 
                          • Perform in front of the mirror – see how you look
                          • Sing with a smile – not like you are in pain
                          • Learn how to sit on a barstool elegantly, walk stairs, get out of cars 
                          • Always introduce yourself first, then the visitor introduce themselves
                          • Never see anyone for 20 minutes after a show
                          • Continue to grow until there is no breath in your body

                          In England you were taught how to handle a dazzling array of cutlery in case you went to an exclusive dinner. But the main message in all of this that you will know what to do when you meet the Queen of England.

                          And this is the message.

                          That group of three lean individuals from low grade subsidised government housing in The Brewster Projects went on to become worldwide stars. 12 number one hits in USA in three years. That was just the start.

                          And in 1965 they performed at Britain’s prestigious Royal Variety performance and indeed met the Queen of England.

                          And they knew how to conduct themselves! Years of lessons about deportment both on and off stage meant they knew exactly what to do. As did many other stars in the Motown roster which included Martha & The Vandellas, Marvin Gaye and Stevie Wonder – all megastars in their own right. I first saw Stevie Wonder perform when he was 14.

                          For those who don’t remember The Supremes you may know their lead singer, Diana Ross. In a recording career spanning almost 50 years she sold over 140 million records and is still performing to great reviews today while in her seventies.

                          But what distinguished them from the rest? In many cases they were the first black girl groups to break into the largely white supper clubs and TV shows. Sure, they can sing, but they could also put on a good show, deal with the audience and not be scared of anyone.

                          Why could they do this? Because they had deportment.

                          In the old days in Britain, the rich girls ‘came out’ (different meaning today!) after going to finishing school. They learnt how to walk in heels with a set of books balanced on their heads. These days you can record yourself, take selfies, and video yourself moving around. So observe and improve – sometimes you can’t see it yourself but a coach can help you.

                          Just putting someone in a posh frock and high heels doesn’t work. To again quote Margaret Thatcher: “If you have to tell people you are a lady – then you aren’t”.And all this applies in a slightly different way to the guys too!

                          Both need to both ‘talk the talk’ and ‘walk the walk!’

                          Learn all the skills before it really matters – and when time comes you can walk into the audition or job interview an unknown and come out a star!

                          David Rigby is a founding director of Smart Coaching & Training. He is based in Europe as an international keynote speaker, trainer, consultant, and executive coach. He developed a training practice focusing on Behavioural Preference Profiling and Signature Corporate Training suite.

                          Filed Under: Being Confident, Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Growing your Business, Mindset, Motivation, Personal Development, Presenting and Presentations, You and Your Career

                          29/03/2018 By Isla Baliszewska

                          Transform your Mindset to Transform your Results

                          Transform your Mindset to Transform your Results

                          If Only - john mcsporran CC

                          The view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life. It can determine whether you become the person you want to be and whether you commit to and accomplish the things you value.

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Why waste time proving over and over how great you are, when you could be getting better?

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Why hide deficiencies instead of overcoming them?

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Why look for friends or partners who will just shore up your self-esteem instead of ones who will also challenge you to grow?

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Why seek out the tried and true, instead of experiences that will stretch you?

                          “Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them”

                           Epictetus

                          We are creatures of habit, driven by impulses to self-protect, to run away from woolly mammoths. Over the years, our learned behaviours become ingrained and our mindset becomes set in patterns.  Renowned Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck illustrates this with a simple idea that makes all the difference – Fixed and Growth Mindsets.

                          Changing your Mindset

                          A Fixed Mindset

                          With a Fixed Mindset, people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits. If they have a lot, they’re all set, but if they don’t… If you have only a certain amount of intelligence, a certain personality, and a certain moral character, well then you’d better prove that you have a healthy dose of them. People with this mindset also believe that talent alone creates success – without effort. Effort is seen as fruitless if they don’t ‘get it’ then it suggests that they lack the intelligence. Challenges are avoided, as to fail suggests that they ‘lack the intelligence’ required. Getting things wrong and receiving feedback is also seen as negative if it reveals limitations.

                          A Growth Mindset

                          With a Growth Mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work – brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience essential for great accomplishment. People with this mindset understand that no one has ever accomplished great things – not Mozart, Darwin, or Michael Jordan – without years of passionate practice and learning. Do people with this mindset believe that anyone can be anything, that anyone with proper motivation or education can become Einstein or Beethoven? No, but they believe that a person’s true potential is unknowable.

                          Virtually all great people have these qualities. Intelligence can be developed. We can embrace challenges and believe that we can improve at a task. We can see effort as a worthwhile path to mastery. We can see that getting things wrong and receiving feedback is positive and guides further improvement.

                           A ‘Teacher’s Mindset’

                          When we are learning, the mindset of our ‘teacher’ (or trainer or tutor or whoever is giving us new knowledge) can influence how that teacher perceives our performance. Fixed Mindset teachers might see those that struggle or fail to understand an aspect of the learning process as not being sufficiently bright or talented or motivated. Growth Mindset teachers see struggling students as a challenge, learners in need of guidance and feedback on how to improve. And of course once the Fixed Mindset teacher has labelled you, the learner, that label sticks and you are reluctant to challenge it.

                          How to get the Growth Mindset

                          The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the Growth Mindset. Scientists tell us that people have more capacity for life-long learning and brain development than they ever thought. Personally, the older I get the more new things I learn, the more new things I try!

                          To paraphrase French psychologist Alfred Binet “You may not have started out the smartest but you could end up the smartest”.

                          Have a go……………

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Be curious, keep learning

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Keep trying – you get the results you want through effort and repetition

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Know that you own your mindset – if you want to change it, you can

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Do things differently – surprisingly you’ll likely get a different result

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Recognise that the process is as important as the result

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Practice always speaking in the positive – add ‘at the moment’ or ‘yet’ – you’ll get the mastery in time.

                          David Rigby

                          Filed Under: Being Confident, Mindset

                          13/11/2017 By Isla Baliszewska

                          Six preparations for Successful Presenting

                          Six preparations for Successful Presenting

                          Successful Presentation

                          “Imagine everyone in the audience with just underwear on,” we are told – but don’t imagine that will bring you all the confidence you need for a winning performance! Instead, just be sure you have ticked the list of the Top 6 Preparations for Successful Public Speaking below.

                          starJust like a film set you can apply some of the stage setting, preparation and rehearsal to your ultimate role in the movie. Think of all the roles that go into making a film, now think of your role as the Lead Star. It takes a team and a methodical set up behind the scenes to make the magic happen. From the director and stage manager to the wardrobe mistress and speech coach, and of course practice practice practice.

                          Rehearsals

                          Prep 1 –  Physiology:   Speech coaches have specific exercises you can perform and practice with, warming up before you start. Sentences such as “Top of the tongue, teeth and lips to ensure you deliver with your vowels well rounded and consonants crisp and clear.”  To release stress jump up and down sway your arms from side to side, and let go of any tension and trapped emotion.
                          Prep 2 – Emotional connection:  Studies show that in presentations how we deliver in terms of voice and posture make up 93% of the impact of a speech. Only 7% is the actual words. Practice out loud as often as possible, if you can record yourself on a smart phone you will be able to direct yourself and write an ’emotions script’ to go with the words. This way you can pinpoint where you can evoke reaction and connection with the audience, enhancing through facial expressions or pauses for contemplation.
                          Prep 3 – Notes:   Ideally you should not be using any notes.  If you must, then use maybe ten keywords on one or more postcards. And make sure all the pages are numbered in case you drop them!  If you have written a script then, with repetition, you may find that the words will be committed to memory which will allow you to focus on delivery. In any case, the more you use a script the less likely you will be able to tailor your presentation to the reactions of your audience.  Whether you use a tablet or paper make sure it all looks professional and larger than normal print so you are not peering at it!

                          Stage Management/Costume

                          Gen YPrep 4 – Impression:   Plan your outfit ahead of time; every detail is important here, from the undergarments to the clothes on top; think about who your audience is, if you need to present authority then dress for the part.  You have to feel confident before you start speaking, one of the easiest ways is through your clothes.  When actors are reading for a part they often start with clothing as the character develops through the way the clothes make them feel; dressed up to the nines you may see physiological changes, straightening of the back, head held high: if you have a comfy sweater on you may relax and slick the shoulders.  I often find that drawing on a persona helps with delivery, think about who you admire and model your actions on how they would present.
                          Prep 5 – Environment:  Where possible visit the venue where you will be speaking.  An NLP exercise is to physically draw a timeline and walk through the paces of getting up from your chair walking to the front and turning to the audience. Or if that is not possible visualise yourself making these steps.   Breathing exercises also help, so you don’t forget to take a breath.

                          Break glass in case of Emergency
                          Prep 6 – Physiological problems:   If you find your heart begins to race, your hands are sweaty or your mind goes blank, this exercise when practiced will guarantee calmness and confidence when you need it:

                          Close your eyes relax your tongue, breath deeply from the diaphragm and allow the emotion to pass, next think about a time where you have felt great, amazing and happy…turn up the colours, give it sound if it’s a moving picture, watch it like a film where you are in the audience. Now make an “O” sign with your thumb and forefinger, feel those good feelings inside, and harness that feeling whilst feeling the pressure of your fingertips.
                          This is called an NLP anchor, by repeating this process you will be able to activate good thoughts and feelings at the moment you need it.

                          So now you’re ready!  Have fun and enjoy your presentation.

                          Helen Morris

                           

                          Filed Under: Being Confident, Presenting and Presentations

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