Communication Archives - Smart Coaching and Training | Business Support, Consultancy, Mentoring

November 29, 2018 By Isla Baliszewska

Your Christmas Village – making those Christmas Connections

During the summer we blogged about how building your own village can extend your life. We ran several events as well and had some wonderful conversations about how to do this and how to make good connections. A reminder of Halina’s thoughts on the subject here.

Never is this idea of building a great village more important than in the Christmas and Holiday season. There is still time to introduce yourself to the neighbours, the people who you buy from (your suppliers or the smiling coffee shop assistant), the person queuing with you at the bus stop – and ask them how are they spending the holiday season. It may be that you find they are spending the time alone, their children and/or parents in other towns or other countries, perhaps their friends are also away, perhaps they simply have no-one.

Such people might welcome some contact over the holidays, a phone call, a visit, a small gesture that they are not on their own, that someone is thinking of them. And of course, so might you.

Research by BBC on loneliness shows that the most lonely people are youngsters (who may have internet friends but no actual close friends) closely followed by the elders, who may be out of the habit of making new connections or have challenges with mobility. Building a little Christmas village to include people who are likely to be alone need not be a big task – whether it is a simple smile, a small gift offered, an invitation to join you in your home, it will make a difference.

Last year’s Age UK campaign put it very neatly ‘ No-one should have no-one‘

So this season, before the holidays

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Identify people who might benefit from some contact over the holidays

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Make an effort to get their details

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Think of ways of contacting or visiting them, or what your gestures to include them in your Christmas village will be.

If it’s you who are on your own – and you don’t want to be, plan ahead….

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Decide when you don’t want to be on your own

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Talk to those around you and in your community who you might want to spend time with over the holidays

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Think about inviting them to join you for a coffee at a cafe or at your home if that works for you

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Find someone to connect with by phone or Skype or email

If you do all this in advance, then you can capitalise on the effort you have put in to build your village and ‘ have yourself a merry little Christmas’ – sharing, giving and caring with others and living more abundantly.

September 28, 2018 By Isla Baliszewska

What will you achieve by Christmas?

Swinging from summer into autumn and already we are surrounded by messages about Christmas. Indeed it is less than 3 months away…so what will you do in that time that will make a difference? What do you most want to achieve?

For those who work in multi-level marketing and retail, this is peak time to achieve sales for the Christmas / New Year period, a time for building the relationships that will yield good contracts in 2019, for delivering what is already in the pipeline. That’s a lot! And all this needs to be done by December 14th when most of the world shuts down for 2-4 weeks – depending where you are.

For the rest of us, let’s take a lesson from those in sales and marketing and ask ourselves “How can I sell myself best to achieve what I want by Christmas?” Remember, selling is all about communicating the right way so as to build the right relationships.

With such little time to set our Christmas goals and achieve fabulous results, communicating effectively to get the right message across well is crucial.

Ask yourself:

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Who do I need to impress / get to notice my achievements/ help me to measure them?

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Do I know how these people like to be communicated with?

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Do I really know my own preferred ways to communicate?

Some people like lots of detail, others very little so giving them a lot will put them off and they’ll lose interest. If your preference is to use emotion to appeal to others, the success of your conversation will depend on whether ‘how someone feels about something’ is of interest to them. Some people just want facts, others definitely don’t. Some want a lot of information, others just the salient points. What about you?

Knowing your communication preferences can help you identify which kind of people are your natural allies in achieving what you want. You can then choose who to connect with, those you best identify with, while also learning how to have successful interactions with the others.

And – the better you know yourself the easier it will be to know how to influence yourself to achieve what you want. Rather than staying stuck in old patterns, ways of behaving or attitudes that are perfect saboteurs, you can create enablers.

Here’s a strategy to follow:

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Write a statement of what you want to achieve by Christmas. Make sure it is really clear, definitely doable rather than wishful thinking, and describe what that achievement will look and feel like; if it is an intangible, what will tell you that you have achieved it?

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Write a list of those people you need on side / want recognition from / are essential to your achievement.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]How do you think they would like to be communicated with? Note 5 ways for each person.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Note 5 ways you prefer to communicate with others.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Look for the ‘misfits’. Are they looking for detail when you prefer to be broad brushstroke? Are they wanting big ideas when you prefer minimalism?

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Now the fun part – create your personal achievement strategy by finding the common grounds for great communication.

And here’s an idea – C-me behavioural profiling is a brilliant tool to help you understand yourself and your communication preferences, to use these to achieve the things you want. That self knowledge enables better interactions with others, harnessing your strengths, fixing your weaknesses, allowing you to astutely pick up on the characteristics of others. The door will open to having those killer conversations to get what you want by Christmas.

David Rigby / Isla Baliszewska

August 23, 2018 By Isla Baliszewska

Questions to Ask in a time of Uncertainty

Is the question ‘Would you like to write an article about asking great questions?’ a great question?

In theory it isn’t, because it’s a closed question – the answer is either ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. But it is also an emotive question. Why?

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]If I say ‘Yes’ – then I am responding as the questioner would like. And I am also committing myself to accepting an obligation.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]If I say ‘No’ – then I am not committing to anything. But I am disappointing the requester. And ultimately repeatedly responding ‘No’ might weaken our relationship.

A little about Open and Closed questions

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Closed questions require a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer and are designed to shut down a conversation and may not give the questioned a chance to respond. However, ‘Yes but…’ or ‘No but…’ gives the receiver a way out and an opportunity to qualify their response.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Open questions such as ‘Who…?’ ’What…?’, ‘When…?’ ‘How…?’ dig deeper. For example, ‘When…?’ can elicit facts. And a greater question can start with ‘Why…?’ which not only may elicit facts but also an opinion. An even greater question would be ‘How do/did you feel about…?’ And a truly great provocative question might start ‘How do you think I felt when you ….?’

What about Referendums?

Governments typically set referendums when they want support from the people to ratify a certain way forward.

In some governments if the ‘people’ give the ‘wrong’ answer then after some brainwashing they keep running the same referendum until they get the ‘right’ answer.

In the case of the UK Brexit referendum, the actual Brexit question was ‘Should the United Kingdom remain a member of the European Union or leave the European Union?’ and was designed by the Conservative Prime Minister to quell the support from some of the anti-European conservative MPs. And it was expected by the politicians to elicit a ‘Remain’ response.

This it failed to achieve.

(Interestingly, the original question was a ‘Yes/No’ closed question: ‘Should the United Kingdom remain a member of the European Union?’ however the Electoral Commission decided that might be a bad idea saying, ‘Our assessment suggests that it is possible to ask a question which would not cause concerns about neutrality, whilst also being easily understood.’)

The ‘leave’ response was the marginal winner from those who bothered to vote, and is considered to be a protest vote by those feeling disenfranchised by the elite in Westminster. It was not an expression of actual opinion in response to the question. And so far, it has not been politically possible to re-run the referendum in spite of a lot of toing and froing…and… the crucial question is….

‘…what would the referendum question be?’

What is has achieved is to divide the UK population generationally, within families, between friends along ‘remainer’ and ‘leaver’ sides. It has prevented rational debate which is lost in claims over which side can tell the best lies where facts and accountability don’t matter anymore.

So Questions to Ask in a time of Uncertainty

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Expect the ‘fact’ questions such as ‘Who/What/When/How’ will get emotive non-fact based responses. But still go ahead and ask them.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]If you ask ‘What do you think about..?’ questions you can expect people to possibly get angry in their responses. That’s fine but be prepared.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Leading questions like ‘Don’t you agree that….?’ can also be fine, unless the person doesn’t agree. By stating your opinion up front you are potentially asking for trouble – better to get their opinion first.

Remember what you want to achieve. If all you want is someone’s opinion, ask what you like. You can disagree privately or publicly prepare for battle. If you want to find facts, ask more probing questions. If you want to influence or persuade, couch your questions in collaborative language. Better still, ask us to help you with some Really Clever Coaching Questions.

David Rigby – davidr@smartcoachingtraining.co.uk

July 6, 2018 By Isla Baliszewska

Creating Your Own Village – making the right connections

Spanish Translation Here

Recent research has revealed there are two major contributors to a longer life. These are:

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Close relationships – having a few people you can rely on.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Social Integration – how much we interact with people during the day.

There is a village in Sardinia with one of the highest records for longevity. With its close knit streets, and everyone being near everyone else, people cannot help but interact. Old people tend to live with their families, where there are children of all ages, some even in their 70’s. Social interaction and integration are elemental parts of life in this village.

Saying hello to your neighbour, to the person who serves you coffee, smiling to the supermarket checkout assistant, playing card games with friends or strangers can all make a difference, and you can do this anywhere. You don’t have to be in a Sardinian village. Or, of course, you can choose not to do these things… and potentially die younger.

Statistics indicate that women generally live longer than men. Part of this is attributed to the fact that women tend to bond more easily and will talk about difficult intimacies, more so than men. Men tend to avoid ‘sensitive’ subjects and instead will bond on more generalised topics like football, or in places of mutual activity, the gym or the office meeting. In the competitive world of business, men give most of their attention to their work and career progression, and often tend to lack the skills required to meet non business colleagues or to know what to talk to them about other than those ‘comfortable’ subjects – sports, politics, cars. Of course this is a stereotype, however it is still very prevalent in our modern day society of equality. Women are the ones who tend to share, talk, have close collaborative relationships, long lasting, trusted friends with whom they have those deep conversations about all sorts of ‘stuff’. It’s all about connecting.

And then there is that other disassociative thing that we all do now. For the younger generations (and some of us older ones too), the evidence is that social media is no substitute for face to face encounters, that precious social interaction which releases oxytocin and cortisone and gives us a better chance of achieving that longer life.

Something to think about

Too many of us focus on short term work goals, and very of us few choose to decide what kind of life we want to live and to develop the personal goals to match until it’s far too late. How many times have you heard someone say, when asked why they do the job they do, something like “Well it just happened/ seemed like a good idea/ suited my skills / people said I should or would be good at it”? How difficult it is for us to pin point when we made actual choices in our lives? When do we think about the way our relationships and interactions impact on our choices and what we do?

What can we do?

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Check who around you is really there for you, without their own personal agenda and connect deeply with those who are.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Be aware of how you are interacting – social media is all very well, as long as balanced with the healthier types of genuine face-to-face interaction.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Ditch the detractors – those who always seem to have a reason why you shouldn’t be who you are, do what you want, make your own choices.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Focus on your personal goals and your futures, not just on the immediate issues. This will help you prepare the skills and give you the confidence needed for developing the right networks and making the right connections.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Try some Developmental Coaching – an intentional process to increase awareness and perspective. By growing your awareness, focus, and perspective, you will become increasingly able to decide and meet your own goals and live the life you want to live. This amalgam of life coaching, mentoring, executive coaching might be the first small step to a brighter well-connected future with your own great village.

David Rigby – July 2018

David has worked and lived in 22 countries, and has built good long term relationships and social face to face interactions in many of them. Arrange a face to face or Skype Development Coaching session to help you find your way forward to creating your own village.

June 11, 2018 By Isla Baliszewska

When is a team not a team?

A team is essentially a group of people working together. Forming one can have challenges and a Team Wheel can help you build a great team. But first, let’s explore more the concept of a team, and an effective team.

What does not make a collection of disparate individuals a team? Possibly when…

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]They work in the same room

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]They are married, or in the same family

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]They work for the same boss or company

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]They live in or work in the same country or ethnic group.

What does make a team? It is when:

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]The group members are striving for the same objective/goal/ purpose

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Every member is working for the glory or benefit of the group not for their own individual gain

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Outside the team they are perceived as a team, and the praise and brickbats go to the whole team, not just the individuals

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Within the team, egos are subsumed and everyone helps everyone else for the greater good.

What makes some teams perform better than others?

If you want fast but questionable results build your team with identical views and ways of thinking – they will learn nothing from each other except to confirm prejudices

To get far better outcomes, have a team as diverse and different as possible. Draw from all backgrounds, skills, talents, abilities, have a mix of people and competencies to encourage innovation and positivity and to get optimum results.

The best. truly effective teams:

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Consist of individuals who think and communicate in different ways

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Allow freedom of interaction and sharing of ideas

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Are inclusive, trustful, open and collaborative

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Encourage individual and group growth

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Share a common purpose.

So how do you get the best thinking and communicating from your team?

Everyone is different: some people are more logical, others more emotional, some are more introvert, others more extravert. With these possible four combinations, and C-me Behavioural Preference Profiling Team Wheels, we use the language of colours to grow individual and group awareness and create more profitable interactions:

Red

Yellow

Blue

Green

All people have communication preferences in all four categories but one colour usually stands out. An individual C-me report will give you a chart which something looks like this:

The chart shows your preferences in two contexts, one where you usually operate on a day to day basis, and the other which would be your default under pressure or when you are not adapting to a context.

To make it easy to see how well your team is balanced we can develop a Team Wheel which shows how a team is balanced and can help identify weaknesses to be rectified during the next round of recruitment. Each person’s place on the wheel is charted highlighting where strengths are and where there may be potential skills gaps.

Great communication within a team is when:

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Everyone can learn a lot more by actively listening to what an individual has to say rather than always thinking about how they are going to impress. Learning how to properly communicate in groups, whether to use written, spoken word, video, social media, email, knowing someone else’s preferences can grab or hold someone’s attention and lead to a productive communication experience.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]All individuals have preferences in both the way they like to receive communication and the way they like to give it. If you want to communicate effectively – i.e. be understood – then one way of addressing this is to communicate with your colleague in the way they prefer to be communicated with. So for example. forget your preference for barking orders with no information, but instead recognise that others may prefer an ordered communication with lots of detail.

The C-me Team Wheel can give a good indication as to the pairs who will have the most difficulty communicating, allowing understanding of potential clashes and making it possible to explore ways to surmount these, using new found skills and different ways of interacting can give profoundly positive results

For more information about getting a Team Wheel to create your best team, email davidr@smartcoachingtraining.co.uk

Your Christmas Village – making those Christmas Connections

What will you achieve by Christmas?

Questions to Ask in a time of Uncertainty

Creating Your Own Village – making the right connections

When is a team not a team?

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