Emotional Intelligence Archives - Smart Coaching and Training | Business Support, Consultancy, Mentoring

August 23, 2018 By Isla Baliszewska

Questions to Ask in a time of Uncertainty

Is the question ‘Would you like to write an article about asking great questions?’ a great question?

In theory it isn’t, because it’s a closed question – the answer is either ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. But it is also an emotive question. Why?

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]If I say ‘Yes’ – then I am responding as the questioner would like. And I am also committing myself to accepting an obligation.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]If I say ‘No’ – then I am not committing to anything. But I am disappointing the requester. And ultimately repeatedly responding ‘No’ might weaken our relationship.

A little about Open and Closed questions

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Closed questions require a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer and are designed to shut down a conversation and may not give the questioned a chance to respond. However, ‘Yes but…’ or ‘No but…’ gives the receiver a way out and an opportunity to qualify their response.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Open questions such as ‘Who…?’ ’What…?’, ‘When…?’ ‘How…?’ dig deeper. For example, ‘When…?’ can elicit facts. And a greater question can start with ‘Why…?’ which not only may elicit facts but also an opinion. An even greater question would be ‘How do/did you feel about…?’ And a truly great provocative question might start ‘How do you think I felt when you ….?’

What about Referendums?

Governments typically set referendums when they want support from the people to ratify a certain way forward.

In some governments if the ‘people’ give the ‘wrong’ answer then after some brainwashing they keep running the same referendum until they get the ‘right’ answer.

In the case of the UK Brexit referendum, the actual Brexit question was ‘Should the United Kingdom remain a member of the European Union or leave the European Union?’ and was designed by the Conservative Prime Minister to quell the support from some of the anti-European conservative MPs. And it was expected by the politicians to elicit a ‘Remain’ response.

This it failed to achieve.

(Interestingly, the original question was a ‘Yes/No’ closed question: ‘Should the United Kingdom remain a member of the European Union?’ however the Electoral Commission decided that might be a bad idea saying, ‘Our assessment suggests that it is possible to ask a question which would not cause concerns about neutrality, whilst also being easily understood.’)

The ‘leave’ response was the marginal winner from those who bothered to vote, and is considered to be a protest vote by those feeling disenfranchised by the elite in Westminster. It was not an expression of actual opinion in response to the question. And so far, it has not been politically possible to re-run the referendum in spite of a lot of toing and froing…and… the crucial question is….

‘…what would the referendum question be?’

What is has achieved is to divide the UK population generationally, within families, between friends along ‘remainer’ and ‘leaver’ sides. It has prevented rational debate which is lost in claims over which side can tell the best lies where facts and accountability don’t matter anymore.

So Questions to Ask in a time of Uncertainty

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Expect the ‘fact’ questions such as ‘Who/What/When/How’ will get emotive non-fact based responses. But still go ahead and ask them.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]If you ask ‘What do you think about..?’ questions you can expect people to possibly get angry in their responses. That’s fine but be prepared.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Leading questions like ‘Don’t you agree that….?’ can also be fine, unless the person doesn’t agree. By stating your opinion up front you are potentially asking for trouble – better to get their opinion first.

Remember what you want to achieve. If all you want is someone’s opinion, ask what you like. You can disagree privately or publicly prepare for battle. If you want to find facts, ask more probing questions. If you want to influence or persuade, couch your questions in collaborative language. Better still, ask us to help you with some Really Clever Coaching Questions.

David Rigby – davidr@smartcoachingtraining.co.uk

February 5, 2018 By Isla Baliszewska

Careering from Career to Career

Recently, I met one of my clients, whom, two years ago, I encouraged to ‘swim in a different pool’ (according to her testimonial). She is very happy in her new role. She says, as a career coach I gave her the courage to change. But first she needed to decide what she wanted to do

How did she do it?
How would you do it?

For many people they get their first job by chance, by who they knew, by their qualifications or education subjects.

So career decisions are fixed when you start specialising at school. Some of us have the courage to change over the years. Or maybe every job move is based on doing the same thing, just getting more money or in a different place. This is how promotions shift people from doing to managing – many don’t like it but put up with it.

Read the full article

September 28, 2017 By Isla Baliszewska

Get out of your own way

Ever bumped into yourself and thought ‘please can you just move out of my way?” Weird as this might sound, it may hide a powerful message. I’m not the first coach to think how cool it is to help people ‘get out of their own way’, it is a concept that has been around for a while but one which, very interestingly, people too often just don’t get.

In a nutshell, we can be surprisingly unintelligent about when it is ‘us’ that is the reason things are not going the way they should be. That applies both at work and in our personal lives.

In the business arena and trending at the moment is Michael O’Leary of Ryanair, once heard to say “I’m underpaid compared to Premiership footballers” and only this week being reported as blaming the cancellation of 40/50 flights per day and the shortage of pilots to a management mess-up. A charismatic leader, synonymous with a powerful brand that he built, Mr O’Leary could be held up as an example of ego leading to blindness in decision making.

As for affecting our personal lives, Indra Nooyi’s 7^th critical lesson for running a Fortune 50 company in the 21st century is ‘Leave your crown in the garage’. As CEO of Pepsico she is worth listening to; “No matter who we are, or what we do, nobody can take our place in our families.” Her point is about remembering the other roles we have in our lives, those in addition to the one where we think we are ‘It’. In those other roles we might be server, facilitator, supporter, carer and these are equally as important as being the boss.

Being good in any role, particularly where you are in charge, entails remaining grounded when you are being successful. Being the one in control necessitates a level of emotional intelligence that lets you keep clear judgment and make decisions with the knowledge that they impact positively on those on the receiving end.

This isn’t about dumping your ego. We all need our egos, they embody our will, our drive, our passion, our individuality. It’s important to acknowledge our successes and strengths. It’s equally important to notice those moments when your back patting becomes self-aggrandisement that threatens to make you think you’re infallible.

To ensure you wear the crown at the right times we offer these tips:

Know that you don’t always have to be right – inviting the views of others contributes to better informed decisions and may show you something different and better.

Surround yourself with people that are not always just like you – opposing viewpoints and perspectives lend strength and clear judgement.

Be aware of what your impact is downstream – who is affected by what you do, say and decide, and are they being affected the right way.

Be transparent and sharing – building silos and Chinese walls invariably results in getting someone’s back up and inviting suspicion and confrontation.

Listen, pause, and think about all the options. Only then are you in the right place to make the right decision.

You don’t always have to be a hero.

Isla Baliszewska

April 28, 2017 By Isla Baliszewska

Women at the Top

Wow! So much in the media about women’s place at work!

Greg Hurst in the Times pointed out that female leaders are better than their male counterparts.

……The Wall Street Journal last year reported on how men won more promotions and women felt that gender issues contributed to them not getting promotions.

……Last year the Fawcett Society called for more action to tackle the gender pay gap.

……The Guardian reported that despite the increase in the number of women in UK boardrooms, they still tend to hold non-executive and non-CEO or Chair positions.

……According to a report from Coutts and the Centre for Entrepreneurs 38%of serial entrepreneurs under 35 are women.

……And Royal Bank of Scotland’s research showed that in 2015 businesses led by women contributed £3.51bn to the UK economy and created 77,000 jobs in 2015.

Wow indeed. And so the big questions:

1. Are women getting the same opportunities in the workplace and in setting up businesses?

2. Are women being treated equally in the business world to men?

3. What do we need to do to make sure this happens?

Sorry, we don’t have the answers all neatly packaged here for you now. But we are going to explore this issue in the coming months so we encourage you to visit our news page and have a look at our newsletter to get some answers and create some actions in the right direction.

Starting off, please read the first part of Women at the Top Leadership Research; fascinating insights on Women at the Top’s reflections on leadership by Halina Jaroszewska.

Halina’s research is an ongoing project and a valuable contribution to this dynamic subject; if you feel you have something to contribute or you know of a woman who does, please get in touch with Halina.

September 12, 2016 By Isla Baliszewska

New Signature Corporate Training

Here is a great opportunity to combine a trip to an exotic location with some valuable learning – join David Rigby and Randa Shanableh in Casablanca from 26th – 30th September for a trio of courses delivered in English and Arabic.

And….get a Free Trip to Ali Ben al Falah Horse Display in Marrakech in the evening on 28th September.

Choose from the following courses:

1. Building a Personal Brand using C-me Colour Profiling and LinkedIn

LinkedIn is the most used and most successful digital professional network in the world. Used properly it can increase your social standing and worth, promote individuals and organisations, and create the right positioning for promotion, the next post and additional business. LinkedIn is a fundamental component of promoting your personal brand. But what is the point of having a great LinkedIn profile if it is fundamentally untrue? You will sooner or later get found out and discredited.

Everyone has a personal brand whether they like it or not. So why not have the best personal brand you can have? A personal brand which reflects the truth and your integrity? That integrity comes from understanding who you are, both how you think of yourself and how others think of you, and modifying your very being to identify how you want to be, and how you want mutual communication to be and making that happen. A truly Personal Brand which can be managed on LinkedIn to get the results you want.

C-Me Colour Profiling is an internationally recognised tool and approach to understanding self and how you relate to others, providing interpretation and guidance about how you are, your good points and ways of improving.

Each delegate will receive their own personal C-Me Colour Profile to help them understand themselves, build better communications and achieve their goals.

2. Manager as Coach Overview

The value of mentoring and coaching to support individuals in developing their true potential is increasingly recognised. But what is it and how do you do it? This course starts by covering what mentoring and coaching is, and what it is not. And then covers in detail how to do it properly, using the GROW method. You will also gain an understanding of enterprise mentoring and life and executive coaching. The course will enable managers and individuals to learn how to be successful mentors and coaches whether as an external coach or mentor or from within the organisation. Many of the skills concern relationship development which is integral in any management role as well as in everyday life.

3. Emotional Intelligence

The value of mentoring and coaching to support individuals in developing their true potential is increasingly recognised. But what is it and how do you do it? This course starts by covering what mentoring and coaching is, and what it is not. And then covers in detail how to do it using the GROW method. You will also gain an understanding of enterprise mentoring and life and executive coaching. The course will enable managers and individuals to learn how to be successful mentors and coaches whether as an external mentor or mentoring within an organisation. Many of the skills concern relationship development which is integral in any management role as well as in everyday life.

For more details contact davidr@smartcoachingtraining.com

Questions to Ask in a time of Uncertainty

Careering from Career to Career

Get out of your own way

Women at the Top

Wow! So much in the media about women’s place at work!

Wow indeed. And so the big questions:

New Signature Corporate Training

Here is a great opportunity to combine a trip to an exotic location with some valuable learning – join David Rigby and Randa Shanableh in Casablanca from 26th – 30th September for a trio of courses delivered in English and Arabic.

And….get a Free Trip to Ali Ben al Falah Horse Display in Marrakech in the evening on 28th September.

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