Training & Coaching News from Smart Coaching Training

03/10/2020 By Eric Moore

The Age of Anxiety

“West Side Story” composer Leonard Bernstein’s Symphony No. 2 The Age of Anxiety was composed from 1948 to 1949 in the US and Israel. It is titled after W. H. Auden’s poem of the same name. Was 1949 the Age of Anxiety or is it now? Most of us have some form of anxiety in our lives and with the continued events of 2020 it is becoming more prevalent.

Our trainer Eric Moore. Ask about individual and group wellness at work coaching

Coping Mechanisms

To combat anxiety people will employ different coping mechanisms to help deal with their anxiety. These may include, exercise, going for a walk, listening to music, or some other form of distraction, though when it strikes these often fail, because the problem is neurological, so therefore to successfully cure anxiety the changes need to take place at the neurological level. Another mechanism many use is to try and avoid the situations that cause them to feel anxious or panic. This though prevents, change and growth. Another thing I often come across is hearing clients say “It happens to me – I don’t make it happen”. This mindset can unfortunately prevent the person from taking ownership of the problem.

Causes of Anxiety

Anxiety is caused by an over arousal of the autonomic nervous system, so someone will often get anxious before they even know it, and by the time this happens it’s too late. So they say “it’s not my fault since it happens automatically”. However they created it due to reacting to an external stimulus such as crowded spaces, social gatherings, giving a presentation. This can then generalise, so even the thought of it becomes enough to create the anxious state.

Fight or Flight

This triggers the fight or flight response in part of the brain called the amygdala and can cause a myriad of issues both psychologically and physiologically. Dry mouth, sweaty palms, palpitations, racing heartbeat and thoughts, tightness or pain in the chest to name a few.

Internal Dialogue

Taking responsibility and owning it is one of the steps to overcoming this debilitating issue towards recovery. Anxiety and panic is often a function of the internal dialogue and the images one creates in the mind. Intervening by changing the images and speed of what is said internally are key to becoming anxiety free. Now, depending on the type of anxiety there will be more activity in one hemisphere of the brain and another tool for change is to engage both hemispheres whilst thinking of the anxious state. If you are curious about to take back control and become anxiety free then join our workshop here on send us a message here.

Written by Eric Moore , Smart Coaching & Training Ltd.

23/04/2020 By David Rigby & Martin Kubler

I’ve never been to me

Becoming confident enough to be yourself

‘I’ve never been to me’ is a song by Charlene which went to No 1 in the UK charts in 1982. For many it is the worst Motown Number One ever, but is pertinent to the situation (COVID-19) we find ourselves in now.

The cheesy lyrics include the lines ‘I’ve been to Nice and the Isle of Greece… but I’ve never been to me’. It is about having to always be someone else and never being allowed to even find out who you are, let alone actually be that person.

Forward to late 2019, and many in the music industry, as in many other industries, are forced to subsume themselves into industry norms and accordingly standardise their personalities. Paradoxically the most successful have not done this. Good recent British examples have been Amy Winehouse and Adele who refused to follow the norms. An outstanding American example, even subject to a BBC Radio4 Profile, is the singer Lizzo – larger than life in every category, a phenomenal singer and performer who has no need of pitch correction in her performances.

Come 2020 and COVID-19, the requirement of the performers to be who they are and deliver has never been on show quite so much as the ‘One world’ show where performers such as Lady Gaga, Sam Smith and Andrea Bocelli, and many others sang together, each performing from their own home. No lavish productions or autocorrect to prop them up. And, of course, it is significant who is not performing and the conclusions we can all come to about their skills.

How does this affect us?

Many of us are now in lock down and the only places you can go are shops to buy food or pharmacies to pick up meds – the rest of the time, you are at home, either by yourself or with some version of immediate family.

It is the perfect time to discover who you really are – a great opportunity for self-examination, and if you don’t like the ’me’ you actually are, you can set about changing it.

Many are using this period as a great opportunity to organise themselves, deal with all the filing and position themselves for the future. And then see others, via Zoom, who are in a bad way, and cannot cope with the uncertainty.

Sphere of influence

The ‘sphere of influence’ model is useful here. Issues divide into three :

Inner circle: those issues you can deal with by yourself;
Outer circle: those issues you can deal with by collaborating with others;
Outside both circles: those issues which you absolutely have no influence over.

Many of the issues thrust upon us by COVID-19 are things we have no influence over, so the first step is STOP worrying about things you can do nothing about.

Divide the things you CAN do something about into three categories:

Things which are essential to your well-being which you can do on your own. (If you don’t look after yourself then you won’t be able to look after others);
Things which are essential to your well-being, which you need to ask or influence others to attain;
Things which are essential to others’ well-being which you can deliver to them (whether or not they have asked).

These can include:

Ensuring you eat enough healthy food to stay fit but not fat, with, if you want, exercise;
Keeping your distance when out and wearing a face mask to assuage the concerns of others;
Really learn to appreciate yourself and potentially change the characteristics you don’t like;
Keep in remote contact with others and support them when they need in the best way you can;
Decide what you will do when this is all over and prepare yourself for it.

And finally: examine the way you communicate with other people:

Do you understand them well enough to understand how they prefer contact?
Do they understand you well enough to understand how you prefer contact?.

Always assuming you understand yourself well enough to know your own preferences.

This downtime is the lifetime opportunity to discover who you really are and what you really need. The chance to ‘be to me’.

For further discussion and remote coaching, contact us here, or, for Europe info@smartcoachingtraining.com +44 3335660067 and for Middle East hello@spsaffinity.com +97156 652 5970. Take a C-me colour profile to better understand your communication preferences..

Written by David Rigby and Martin Kubler

12/04/2020 By David Rigby

Deportment 2020: Know how to ‘talk the talk’ and ‘Zoom the Zoom’

In these days of COVID-19 you not only have to ‘talk the talk’ and ‘walk the walk’ but you have to appear good on Zoom. Not only do you have to sound good you have to look good too, And not just you – you are most likely to be working and broadcasting from home – so the view of your home must also give the right impression. I notice every one judging what you look like when you have not been able to go to the beauty salon, nail stylist, or hairdresser for weeks and having to do your own cleaning due to lockdown. Tolerance of shady presentation skills won’t be accepted for long either – so brush up those skills too!.

While you are practicing your body posture and setting up the appropriate lighting and soundscape for your broadcast, whether a serious business meeting or a chat with a distant neighbour take a look at the article below I wrote for Al Arabiya News about deportment training for some stars in the 1960’s. And note how much still applies today. Below is one of many of these articles as published in 2015.

Deportment: Know how to ‘talk the talk’ and ‘walk the walk’

It’s now the winter holiday season, and just like in the UK and USA, here in the UAE you see the girls dressed in impossible heels and wearing designers while staggering to various social venues. One difference here is that, in general, they are not freezing to death on the way to their chosen location.

They may have the designer frocks, but few of them know how to walk elegantly or indeed talk elegantly. There is an old British expression “You can take a girl out of Essex, but you can never take Essex out of the girl.”

This is because they don’t know about Deportment.

Way back in the early 1960s there was a developing record business called Motown. Based out of a house called “Hitsville USA” in Detroit. In those early days one of several vocal groups was called The Supremes. They were often known as the ‘no-hits’ Supremes as at the time every record had flopped.

But like everyone else in the Motown roster, they went to American etiquette instructor and talent agent Miss Maxine Powell to learn about deportment.

And this is what The Supremes learnt
• Perform in front of the mirror – see how you look
• Sing with a smile – not like you are in pain
• Learn how to sit on a barstool elegantly, walk stairs, get out of cars
• Always introduce yourself first, then the visitor introduce themselves
• Never see anyone for 20 minutes after a show
• Continue to grow until there is no breath in your body

In England you were taught how to handle a dazzling array of cutlery in case you went to an exclusive dinner. But the main message in all of this that you will know what to do when you meet the Queen of England.

And this is the message.

That group of three lean individuals from low grade subsidised government housing in The Brewster Projects went on to become worldwide stars. 12 number one hits in USA in three years. That was just the start.

And in 1965 they performed at Britain’s prestigious Royal Variety performance and indeed met the Queen of England.

And they knew how to conduct themselves! Years of lessons about deportment both on and off stage meant they knew exactly what to do. As did many other stars in the Motown roster which included Martha & The Vandellas, Marvin Gaye and Stevie Wonder – all megastars in their own right. I first saw Stevie Wonder perform when he was 14.

For those who don’t remember The Supremes you may know their lead singer, Diana Ross. In a recording career spanning almost 50 years she sold over 140 million records and is still performing to great reviews today while in her seventies.

But what distinguished them from the rest? In many cases they were the first black girl groups to break into the largely white supper clubs and TV shows. Sure, they can sing, but they could also put on a good show, deal with the audience and not be scared of anyone.

Why could they do this? Because they had deportment.

In the old days in Britain, the rich girls ‘came out’ (different meaning today!) after going to finishing school. They learnt how to walk in heels with a set of books balanced on their heads. These days you can record yourself, take selfies, and video yourself moving around. So observe and improve – sometimes you can’t see it yourself but a coach can help you.

Just putting someone in a posh frock and high heels doesn’t work. To again quote Margaret Thatcher: “If you have to tell people you are a lady – then you aren’t”.And all this applies in a slightly different way to the guys too!

Both need to both ‘talk the talk’ and ‘walk the walk!’

Learn all the skills before it really matters – and when time comes you can walk into the audition or job interview an unknown and come out a star!

David Rigby is a founding director of Smart Coaching & Training. He is based in Europe as an international keynote speaker, trainer, consultant, and executive coach. He developed a training practice focusing on Behavioural Preference Profiling and Signature Corporate Training suite.

30/11/2020 By David Rigby

Squaring Mindful Meditation with Internalised Capitalism

According to New York Therapist, Lee McKay Doe, Internalised Capitalism looks like ……

Internalised Capitalism

Feeling guilty for resting
Your self-worth is largely based on doing well in your career
Placing productivity before health
Believing hard work = happiness
Feeling lazy, even when you’re experiencing pain, trauma or adversity
Using busyness as a way of avoiding your needs .

Painting by *Andrés* Sergio *Echeveste* *taken in Altea by David Rigby*

Many of us will recognise many of these thoughts in ourselves. And this is why we might find meditation so difficult.

Finding meditation so difficult

When we meditate, we lower our stress levels, we get to know our pain, we connect better, we improve our focus, and we’re kinder to ourselves. All of these things can improve our health, and as a consequence help us become better at our internalised capitalism.
Being super focussed on the here and now, rather than planning what to do next, or reviewing the past, is the basis of mindfulness and also can be a good focus when meditating. But that also requires letting go of the here and now too. Learning to be who you are, and liking it is sufficient.
If I am chugging along nicely I don’t find the tine to meditate. If I am super stressed I find it really beneficial, If I am not too busy then it’s a useful way of connecting with myself and with others.

So how to avoid the guilt trip?

• See meditation as part of work. – and so it’s not ‘resting’
• Recognise meditation can help you focus – so you can be better at your career and self worth
• Meditation can improve your heath – and with better health more productivity
• Meditating is not being lazy – it’s not easy to do
• It’s a way of being busy, but also it can be a way of recognising and meeting your needs.

Meditating Mindfully

Meditating Mindfully is difficult on your own – better to join a group and meditate on Zoom or whatever. Your colleagues can give you insights and encouragements as well as the discipline. You can also watch how the others meditate – though it is often more interesting to watch paint dry (especially these paintings).

27/10/2020 By David Rigby

Staying authentic while code switching

Code-switching is when someone changes their language based on who they are with, typically to fit in better with that group. There are many reasons why people code-switch. People switch their pronunciations of words and their dialects around to better fit in with a certain group.

They also change their behaviour.

In linguistics, code-switching or language alternation occurs when a speaker alternates between two or more languages, or language varieties, in the context of a single conversation. But its much more than that.

Multilinguals, speakers of more than one language, sometimes use elements of multiple languages when conversing with each other.

*Ghiyathi, UAE – code switching or diplomacy? by David Rigby*

In dress and food – choosing to dress in the mode of the people you are with, learning to eat the same food in the same way the others do is another type of code switching .

Why do people do this ?

Often to do with work. In the UK people switch to the codes of the straight white southern public-school-educated male in order to get the best jobs.. And all places have their equivalents.

But what do they switch from?

Being Northern – whilst having a Northern Accent is not the slur it was, it can still be prejudicial in building the connections. Dropping the northern sense of humour in order to be understood, removing terms of endearment and being over-friendly.
Being Female – it is possible to get on as female, but many have to adopt ‘boy’s behaviours’ to climb the ladder.
Being of Foreign Origin while raised in Britain. – In many ways having to have two different cultures – the ones you use at home and the ones you use at work. Those that don’t follow the subtleties and indirectness of the polite British society can ‘scare the natives’ with their directness or loudness.
Being Foreign – being aware that the accepted behaviours at home may not be acceptable in your new location. Observing and copying the new ‘norms’.
Being LGBTQ – being ‘straight acting’ or so you think.

There are dangers

So, at least historically, wearing the traditional uniform of white man’s business – Grey or Blue suit, white shirt and tie, no beard is a way of ‘belonging’. But it can be cultural appropriation – white people wearing dreadlocks or Arabic dress is asking for trouble.
The more you code switch the more you become the person you are switching into. And then you go ‘back home’ and everyone thinks you are now too posh to talk to. So you switch back. Which is the real you? It is so stressful and exhausting.

*Being Intercultural while Leadership Training in Ghana by David Rigby*

Intercultural Globality is a method by which you can learn to be all things to all people. And still be true to yourself. Understanding your communication preferences is a good start. Just ask .

26/08/2020 By David Rigby

The Mindful Flâneur

how to get the most of travelling

Valencia

In Old Town

London

St Pancras Station

Vienna

Where Beethoven lived

This year, because of COVID, many of you will be forced to take your holidays closer to home. Here is an opportunity to know your home country. Instead of sitting on a beach, queueing for museums and socially distancing in the same shop in a different location why not be a traveller and really get to know somewhere. And excellent way to absorb a city is to be a Mindful Flâneur.

The term flâneur comes from the French masculine noun flâneur—which has the basic meanings of “stroller”, “lounger”, “saunterer”, “loafer”—which itself comes from the French verb flâner, which means “to stroll”. To me a Flâneur is a person who wanders without a destiny within, especially, a city to observe the buildings, people and the general environment.

Mindfulness or being mindful is being ‘in the moment’, totally focussed, observing everything and not being judgemental. So a mindful flâneur really can get the most of ‘just wandering about’ provided they are organised ‘just enough’.

An invitation to

change a habit /way of being in order to appreciate the world

Alicante

Old Town

Manchester

University In the winter

Vienna

Covid Rabbit

While ‘flâneuring’ is ‘just wandering about’ planning can make the experience more joyful and profitable use of time. Try these:
• Research to know which areas might have hidden secrets and watering holes. These are often older areas. Don’t make restaurant reservations – you don’t want a time critical destiny.
• Travelling with minimum baggage – preferably none.
• As you are venturing into the unknown, potentially you could arrive in risky areas. So leave your wallet behind. Take some money, one credit card, and maybe evidence of who you are in case you need emergency medical assistance, and tell someone where you are going.
• Dress appropriately. Don’t attract muggers and robbers. No Jewellery no expensive watches. Dress downmarket – but you may meet interesting people so don’t look like a vagrant either. Take with you a sun hat and an umbrella. And layers of clothes you can put on or take off

Be a flâneur not a tourist.

The assumption is you are walking. Difficult to be a flaneur in a car. No need to tick off the places you have researched. You are mindfully observing the mundane.
Be mindful. “In the moment” means taking in and being part of the events in the street, where you can:
• Note the Street names. They may be historical, may be in two languages, such as English/Welsh or Catalan/Castellano, and they may point you in the direction of historic churches. The street furniture and paving are also clues to the history.
• Guess when properties were built. Look at balconies, outside decoration.

Many older properties descended into potential ruin in the 1960s and now have been gentrified so only the rich can live there.
You can also take local refreshment in local cafes. Avoid the familiar such as Costa, Starbucks, McDonalds. They are often a triumph of marketing over quality. See what the locals are offering.
• Look at the nationalities of the food and compare with the nationalities of those who are serving and preparing. And see if there are locals in there.
• Look at the decoration – may not have been refurbished in years. For me I prefer tea in ancient tea rooms and coffee in modern establishments. Do they use loose tea and don’t use coffee pods?
• Take your time and talk to people – you never know where your next friend or offer of work is coming from. Look at their behaviours, language, voice tone and match it.

Behavioural Preference Profile

Ultimately how you do this will depend on your characteristics based on your behavioural preference profile.

Cyprus

Nicosia Border

Avila

What crate shall I chose?

Liverpool

In Penny Lane, there is a barber showing photographs….

Most people have behavioural characteristics based on all the colours, usually one prevails.
Your behaviour based on your main colour is likely to be
• Red: Cover a great distance and not look at anything in detail. Be more interested in the buildings than the people.
• Blue: Possibly develop a detailed itinerary and follow it exactly – not being a flâneur at all.
• Green: Cover a small distance looking at the people and their lifestyles and wondering how they feel.
• Yellow: The distance covered will depend on how many people you meet and chat with on route!

Remember that you are not on a marathon or an endurance test, so stop when you have enough and keep an eye about where you are relatively to the bus and metro stops to help you return. Enjoy!

Written by David Rigby

Ultimately how you do this will depend on your characteristics based on your behavioural preference profile. Most people have behavioural characteristics based on all the colours, usually one prevails.
Your behaviour based on your main colour is likely to be
• Red: Cover a great distance and not look at anything in detail. Be more interested in the buildings than the people.
• Blue: Possibly develop a detailed itinerary and follow it exactly – not being a flâneur at all.
• Green: Cover a small distance looking at the people and their lifestyles and wondering how they feel.
• Yellow: The distance covered will depends on how many people you meet and chat with on route!
Remember that you are not on a marathon or an endurance test, so stop when you have enough and keep an eye about where you are relatively to the bus and metro stops to help you return. Enjoy!

An invitation to

change a habit /way of being in order to appreciate the world

Alicante

Old Town

Vienna

Danube

Vienna

Covid Rabbit

22/07/2020 By David Rigby

White Lies Matter

“You might think that, I couldn’t possibly comment!” was the signature phrase of the scheming politician Francis Urquhart, played by Ian Richardson in the 1990 television thriller House of Cards. It’s the great coaching get-out, but what if you did comment and were sparing with the truth?

“Does my bum look big in this?” What can you say? If you don’t say ‘no’ you are in trouble. My father lost a life long friend by responding honestly to the question “What do you think of these paintings I have made?”.

White lies, being economical with the truth a.k.a. lies by omission : Do they have a place in the coaching world? Do they have a place in your everyday world?

it’s ‘the way you tell them’

Ultimately, it’s ‘the way you tell them’ which makes the difference between retaining and losing a client or a friend. How honest an answer will you give, will depend on

Who you are;
Who they are;
The nature of your relationship.

But white lies and omissions are only for the lazy.

Sugar coated diplomacy

For those who are familiar with Behavioural Preference Profiling, which is about communication, the blunt logic of the ‘Reds’ and ‘Blues’ can be an affront when talking to the more emotional ‘greens’ and ‘yellows’ who prefer the truth sugar coated with opinion and diplomacy.

In the world of politics telling blatant lies seems to be the way forward, and of course the history of the winners, as taught in schools, and portrayed by the tabloids, seems not to matter either.

My father used to say ‘Give me the facts’ – and was not interested in opinions. Even if they confirmed his own. He read a left wing broadsheet so there was some hope, but never got the balance, and believed what he read was ‘the truth’ because it was ‘in print’.

In the office, it is well recognised that having the Psychological Safety to be able to speak up and speak out leads to better results but in most organisations cannot be done. To be well at work you need also to be able to both tell the truth and receive the truth. But you must remember

Your truth, is probably your opinion often based on little or biased knowledge of the facts;
Their truth, is probably their opinion often based on little or biased knowledge of the facts.

Learning to debate, without falling out, is a life skill, as is being able to recognise that others may be just as passionate as you about their incorrect views. Learn to live with it. I recently asked a group to debate with me issues I was currently having about recent politics. It helped me enormously. Being able to discuss without fear of retribution is crucial to a healthy life. We can facilitate groups or just coach you honestly to help you resolve your issues. Be brave. – white lies do matter.

Written by David Rigby, Smart Coaching & Training Ltd.

Coping Mechanisms

Causes of Anxiety

Fight or Flight

Internal Dialogue

Becoming confident enough to be yourself

How does this affect us?

Sphere of influence

Deportment: Know how to ‘talk the talk’ and ‘walk the walk’

Internalised Capitalism

Finding meditation so difficult

So how to avoid the guilt trip?

Meditating Mindfully

They also change their behaviour.

Why do people do this ?

But what do they switch from?

There are dangers

how to get the most of travelling

Valencia

London

Vienna

An invitation to

Alicante

Manchester

Vienna

Be a flâneur not a tourist.

Behavioural Preference Profile

Cyprus

Avila

Liverpool

An invitation to

Alicante

Vienna

Vienna

it’s ‘the way you tell them’

Sugar coated diplomacy

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